Somebody saw too many of those hilarious Southwest Airlines commercials. That is the easiest way out of this. Then again, you could have conflicting stories and a lack of details as to the truth of either story. We seem to be stuck with the latter.

First, this whole story is just sort of comedic with the Governor going missing and no one knowing where to find him for five days. Then again, no one bothered wondering where he’d been until that fifth day.
Then they found him. He was hiking the Appalachian Trail, according to his people. Good enough. People were a little upset that he’d been gone without putting Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer in charge. Those people should be a little concerned. In a state of emergency, like a tornado since the radar shows no approaching hurricanes, only the governor could mobilize the state’s National Guard troops to assist people in need. Had there been a tornado ripping through downtown Laurens on Saturday night, the response would’ve been delayed and that probably means another FEMA director out the door in Washington. Thankfully nothing bad happened while he was gone.

Now, though, there are these mysterious new details uncovered apparently by a local TV station (they never mention us by name so I will return the favor) who decided not to simply relay information from press conferences and official statements, but to report on the story and investigate further. Nigel Robertson probably deserves a lot of credit because I saw it there several hours before I saw it elsewhere. Anyway, the meat is that Gov. Sanford took off in a SLED car that had been tracked to the airport in Atlanta. That’s also the last place his cell phone was picked up on Thursday. AND apparently a federal agent saw Sanford boarding a plane at that airport, though no one seems to know just yet where that plane was headed.
The simple answer is he flew up the Appalachian Trail and stared flying from there. The more complicated answer is probably the one we’ll piece together over the next several days. For one, driving from Columbia to Atlanta to fly is a long long way to go to get to an airport. Columbia has one, after all. But not one where a man could just blend in amongst literally thousands of travelers at any time of the day or night. And not one where a state car could hang out in a massively huge parking deck for days on end with no one really paying any attention. The governor at the airport and a state car in the parking lot are far more likely to be noticed in Columbia. So where? Also why? I wanna know. I’m curious. And in my heart I hope the answers piece together some hilarious story that stops writing on The Hangover 2 and makes them start over again with a new inspiration in a high place.