I can’t believe it’s August and I still haven’t been to a Braves game all year. I had opening day tickets, but that was the day I found out I may be a father so I wound up skipping that one.

Here’s my current dilemma. I am bad about missing a game or two or five like I have this year and then trying to make it all up at once. So I’m seriously considering trying to justify spending $125 to go to a luncheon with Bobby Cox and the 1991 Braves!

It’s all in honor of Bobby Cox and what he did for the Braves over the years. The game that Friday night is also gonna have a nice ceremony to honor Bobby and wish him one more fond farewell. Thing is, the $125 luncheon is an opportunity you won’t have at a game attended by 45,000 people. It’s a much better opportunity to shake the World Series-winning hand of Bobby Cox! Or Sid Bream! Or Mark Lemke or Jeff Blauser or Otis Nixon for that matter! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to go mark out over some old baseball players who would probably enjoy it as much as I’d be enjoying it.

What do you do, though? Do you do the sensible, reasonable thing and just go down for the game, or do you do the outlandish, possibly stupid thing and go to the $125 a plate luncheon? I really need some help. Professional help maybe.

Whatever the answer is, this is how I will spend my summer vacation.

People don’t know exactly what goes into some of the things we do on the show. For instance, where do we find tazers and pepper spray and Liquid Ass? Well, all of those things can be purchased. When we need rats, we have a rat guy.
When we need bugs…Well, we gotta do that the hard way. I wish there was video footage of me wandering around outside my house at 5AM looking for bugs so we’d have one for Taze or Dare since one of the options was take a tazer shot or…eat a bug.
So imagine it. It’s dark out. I’m in my boxers and a Planet t-shirt walking around the front yard with an empty mason jar and one of those tiny green fish tank nets. Looking for bugs!
On a normal night, there are millions of bugs crawling around my downtown Greenville neighborhood. Huuuuge cockroaches, all manner of beetles and bugs I can’t begin to describe. It’s like a bird, bug, squirrel, mole and rabbit sanctuary in downtown Greenville after dark. This morning, though, there were no bugs to be found! I spent a half hour fruitlessly looking for insects I could not find.
Finally, though, I achieved success when I found a mayfly in my truck on my way to work. I captured it in a 44oz cup from Spinx. And at the end of the day, no one ate the poor little mayfly so I let it go free outside the station around 9. I’m sure it was promptly hit by a car. Sorry, little mayfly.

During the first little warm spell of the year, back in February, I renewed my love of fishing. Matt did as well. We did some fishing and had some fun. Didn’t catch many fish, but we got an early start. This went on for…maybe six weeks. Then my world got flipped upside down with the news I was gonna be a daddy in 2011.
It’s funny how those things work out sometimes. I hadn’t been fishing much in several years, then I spent a lot of time doing it for a few weeks. Now some of my friends have been a little upset that I haven’t gone fishing in a while, or that I haven’t gone to any Braves games yet this year.
At the moment, I don’t really care. Not that I’m trying to abandon my friends, but I’m into a lot of things that are so awesome and new that I really don’t want to pry myself away from them just yet.
I’m sure it all levels out over time and I really do hate that a lot of my friends seem a little jealous that they don’t have my undivided attention like they’ve had in years past.
See, the way it was for most of my 26 years, my good friends had my attention whenever they wanted or needed it and now that’s a little bit different for them and for me. I’ve also lost some friends I think. Or I find myself losing some and that part of it is very unfortunate. Ultimately, though, it’s good to be able to find out who your friends are and who just needed you for a matter of convenience.
I do find it a little bit odd that a lot of my friends are kinda possessive of me. I’ll reason it out in my mind that they are all clinging to me because they are gay and in love with me. That’s entirely possible…right?
Probably not. Either way, though, I’m terribly excited and I can’t wait for what’s to come. When I do go fishing again, I bet I enjoy it more than I ever have before.

In case you missed it, I announced on yesterday morning’s show that I will be a father at some point in 2011! I’m pretty thrilled and ecstatic and excited and scared and nervous and happy and all over the emotional rollercoaster just like everybody else who finds out they have a baby on the way.
The P1’s have been incredible. I got so much positive feedback and love from people yesterday. I was humbled by the awesome response from the family of P1’s. It was an incredible feeling all day long while positive feedback rolled in from everybody I know and a ton of people I don’t know at all.
The only thing that let me down a little bit was how many people at work simply did not believe it when I said it. One of our sales people said it was a “nice bit” via email yesterday morning and I found myself pleading my case to the Web Nazi in the halls before she finally believed it to be true. Then I realized I wasn’t gonna do that. They can believe it or not, but not believing it seems a little bit jaded in a way. But…on the other hand, we’ve been known to pull some pranks around the office and I can understand people not wanting to get invested in something we say if they are gonna find out two days later it isn’t true. But this is true! It’s the whole truth and it is incredible for me whether anyone questions it or not. I’m enjoying the ride and this awesome new part of my life.
If you’ve listened to the show for a long time, you’ve heard me in any number of bad moods over any number of things. At the moment, nothing on Earth can wipe the smile off my face. I struggle to find words for it despite my usually impressive vocabulary. Again, I’m humbled and thankful like I’ve never been before. Life is pretty sweet sometimes. Especially if you let it be good to you.

It usually doesn’t work out too well in movies when they do this. For instance, they cast the handsome Dennis Quaid to play the very ugly Jerry Lee Lewis in Great Balls of Fire. They cast Joaquin Phoenix, who is ugly, to play Johnny Cash, who is a different type of ugly. Same for Gary Busey and Buddy Holly. Different types of ugly.
Now comes John Gotti’s turn to be done and they cast John Travolta. They didn’t go with a guy who is especially good at anything or a guy who looks like the actual guy. They just went with John Travolta because he was there.
Of all the guys in all the mob movies, there are at least 400 capable actors who look like John Gotti, who seems way more like a hardnosed badass than John Travolta could ever pull off.
I don’t think you can do Grease and then do Gotti. The Teflon Don is rolling in his grave. On the bright side, if the movie sucks we may never see John Travolta again.

Trish Stratus from WWE came on the show this morning to talk about the new Tough Enough TV show and last night’s Wrestlemania goings on with Snooki. What a nice, cheerful sort of Canadian lady she is. I’ve noticed most Canadians are like that. I’m not sure what they do north of the border, but they’re so warm despite the colder climate.
Anybody who ever wound up at Myrtle Beach during Can Am week will attest to that. They’ll also tell you strippers from Ohio are plentiful on spring break.
The Canadians are a delight. The strippers…less so.
If you missed that, you can hear it again tomorrow right around 6:30. If you’re a fan of either rasslin or hot brunettes, you can listen to Trish Stratus on TRG and enjoy yourself.

Matt and I are going to check out basketball later on at TGI Friday’s in Greenville. We picked around the studio last week. Matt and I were the first two eliminated and it really didn’t take too long for that to happen. He had VCU and I took Kentucky. So Paige and Fatboy square off when his UCONN team and her Butler underdogs play tonight.
No one wants UCONN to win tonight. Literally everyone wants Butler to pull the huuuuuge upset because that’s why we love the tournament so. Why is it we’d complain if Boise State had the chance to play for the football championship? I think they told us we like basketball one way and football another and we’re too busy drinking beer and eating wings to notice anything unusual. Well played, powers that be.

We interviewed UFC Lightweight Champion Frankie Edgar yesterday on the show. He’s one hell of a world class wrestler and a really tough Jersey kid you’d probably know better than to mess with even though he’s small. He’d give you that moment of second thought where your brain says, “You know he looks just a little too scrappy to think that’d ever be easy.”

And you’d be right considering he’s a professional fighter with a championship belt in the UFC.

I told him I’m not the biggest fan of his fighting style. I’ve felt that way for a while. I thought his fight with Gray Maynard was solid, but for the most part I get mad when I pay for a UFC pay per view then see a guy throwing jabs while running backwards. Frankie Edgar does a little bit of that.

Thing is, he can do that. He’s fast and elusive with lightning quick hands and feet so he can avoid contact with the other guy and win on points pretty easily using his jab and a little wrestling where he needs it. Highly effective. Really smart strategy. Those two things I greatly enjoy. Still, 50 bucks for a fight makes me wish for some broken arms and bleeding. Some knockouts and blood splatter. That’d make the whole thing much more fun. Hell, just two dudes mixing it up. Something that resembles a fight would be awesome.

So I’m left in the position of not liking the way the guy fights, but liking him as a person and that left me in a spot where I couldn’t just be an ass to him when we had him on. Well, we could’ve been an act, but that would have been a charade and we generally try and shoot pretty straight with the P1’s around here.

In the end, good for Frankie Edgar. He said he fights to win and he doesn’t care much what I think or what anybody else thinks. That’s why he’s the guy with the belt at the top of the UFC’s deepest, most talented division.

Anyone can write about sports. This is evident in every sports section in every newspaper in the English-speaking world. I’d guess it’s the same in non-English speaking countries as well, but I really can’t say. Maybe writing about soccer is the highest form of journalism in Chad. Then again I can’t be sure they have journalism in Chad. I’ll stick to what I think I know and give you part one of a baseball season preview!

It seems like I should work up to the good stuff. That’s why the American League West preview always comes before the American League East preview. I’ll stick to form, but in a move inspired by the people who market the SlapChop, I’m giving you both the AL West and the NL West for the price of one.

Last fall, the World Series gave us two teams from these divisions. Now some people probably think the West divisions are overlooked. Well, they aren’t. This year’s World Series will most assuredly not deliver us teams from these divisions.
We start with the American League West. Baseball’s smallest division, the west has only four teams, two of which most people can’t remember at any given time.

Seattle Mariners (61-101 in 2010)
The Mariners have become basement-dwellers in the AL West. That means something. They may not be as good as the Durham Bulls on any given day.
The Mariners went out and hired Eric Wedge to replace Don Wakamatsu as manager. In the dugout, Wedge is the man. In our hearts, Wakamatsu manages on. In reality, he goes on to be the bench coach in Toronto.
Wedge managed the Indians from 2003-2009 and was named AL Manager of the Year in 2007. Maybe it went to his head because the Indians went 81-81 in 2008 and 65-97 in 2009. He was fired before the end of that 2009 season, but the Indians were nice enough to let him stick around as a sad lame duck for that last month of the season.
On the bright side, the Mariners have the 2010 Cy Young winner in Felix Hernandez. Kin Felix pitched better than everybody else in the entire American League in 2010 and he compiled 13 wins against 12 losses. The Mariners have some work to do.
Luckily, they have the likes of journeyman psycho Milton Bradley to spark the offense with his somewhat above average play. It’s a given that Ichiro will get on base, but Milton’s “episodes” don’t drive in runs so the Mariners will most likely suck it up again in 2011.
Of the players remaining from last year, only Ichiro hit .300. All of those guys, including former Gamecock Justin Smoak, hit under .270. In Smoak’s case, it was .239 after coming to Seattle from Texas.
Things are grim. The Mariners won’t be a .500 club, but they will improve. Look for them to shock the world and lose fewer than 100 games! They’ll probably win around 70 games. I’ll say 73. That still isn’t very good.

Los Angeles Angels (80-82 in 2010)
The big news in Anaheim is the acquisition of the disappointing Vernon Wells! Wells seemed destined for greatness as recently as 2006. That was the end of a really good four year run. Now he’s a solidly reliable, very much above average player who could find a place on any team in the league…but he isn’t an elite player despite his elite salary. His numbers should improve in Anaheim where the supporting cast may be a little better than some he’s had in Toronto.
The Angels have the money and they seem to have reasonable expectations. Look for 30 home runs and something in the neighborhood of 100 RBI. He may even like being out of Canada enough to thank the Angels with 40 homers and an MVP-type season.
The pitching staff in Los Angeles of Anaheim is solid. Jered Weaver, Dan Haren, Ervin Santana, the lost cause that is Scott Kazmir. It’s above average!
Remember Bobby Abreu? Played for the Phillies? Seems like maybe you remember him in a Yankees uniform for a while? He’s in Anaheim! I know, right? I totally forgot about that dude too! He’s still above average. Widely forgotten center fielder Torii Hunter is now playing right field for Anaheim. Those two, along with Wells, give Anaheim a great mix of young guys you’ve never heard of outfielders who were awesome five years ago. That has proven a recipe for success in the past and the Angels are the team most likely to surprise everybody and win the AL West in 2011.
They will improve and improving by 5 games could be enough to win the division. I say they win 88 games and beat out the Rangers in the West.

Oakland Athletics (81-81 in 2010)
I know I didn’t realize the A’s were as good as .500 in 2010. Had no idea. I figure they won something like 73 games. Not like I ever saw them on TV to know any different.
I’m glad Josh Willingham left Washington and went as far away as Oakland. Good for the A’s. He’s now a pretty good outfielder looking for a home on a decent team. First Florida, then Washington, now Oakland. He’ll stick somewhere.
Like the Angels, the A’s like outfielders who were awesome five years ago. Coco Crisp and Hideki Matsui will be big parts of the 2011 Athletics. They would have been larger parts of the 2005 Athletics, but whatever’s left in the tank 6 years later will have to be good enough.
The Athletics have a manager and a pitching staff. They play at the Oakland-Alameda Coliseum. Their colors are green and gold. No one really cares. I know I don’t. That’s why I’ve been spouting off like a third grade book report trying to fill time.
They will win some games and lose about as many games in 2011. They’re going nowhere fast but they still do alright even though all their good players leave en mass every three years.

Texas Rangers (90-72 in 2010)
The Rangers really did surprise everybody when they went to the World Series last year. Going into the Series, they were favored over the not-very-mighty Giants. Of course the Rangers lost and didn’t put up too much of a fight along the way. As a Braves fan, I’m not going to talk any trash about an ending like that. One minute you’re the toast of Texas and the next minute the people of Dallas are thinking, “Well, they play in Arlington so they aren’t really my team.”
They lose Cliff Lee. Ouch, sort of. While he’s been a dominant post season force, Cliffy has been above average but not spectacular in the regular season. Still, he was the best they had. Now C.J. Wilson will either win 20 games or the Rangers won’t win the West twice consecutively.
Noted cokehead Ron Washington is back to manage in 2011. This team won’t lack pep and enthusiasm.
Nor will they lack offense with Adrian Beltre coming over to join Josh Hamilton, Ian Kinsler, Nelson Cruz, and Elvis Andrus. Looks great on paper, but last year they had four of those guys along with Vladimir Guerrero and Michael Young.
Technically, Young is still a Ranger. He wants a trade, however. So they lose Vlad to the graveyard known as Baltimore. Young wants out, but they add Beltre. This, essentially, is a wash. They may even be a bit weaker if Nelson Cruz falls off (likely) or Elvis Andrus doesn’t improve his 2010 numbers (not likely, he’s pretty good).
The potential surprise in Texas for 2011 comes from having Brandon Webb on the mound. He was a dominant starter in Arizona for several years, but he missed all of 2010 and essentially all of 2009 as well. He comes to Texas looking to find a form we last saw nearly three years ago. Maybe Mark Prior called to offer some advice.
You take a 90-72 team from last year’s World Series and in 2011 you’re looking at a team that will be just a little better than Colorado after their World Series run in 2007. They may even be better than .500, but they won’t be better than Los Angeles of Anaheim. I’ll say 85 wins at best, but maybe closer to .500.

By the end of the year, the Angels will be in front and the Rangers will be decent. Ultimately the Angels probably won’t have enough to make it out of the American League, though stranger things have happened like the Rangers making it out of the American League in 2010.
LA Angels – 88-74
Texas Rangers – 84-78
Oakland Athletics – 80-82
Seattle Mariners – 73-89

I’ve felt kind of jerk-ish for the past 8-9 months. It’s a dumb little thing, but every time I see this particular dude, I feel like a bad person.
It begins with my roommate. We’re pretty tight. Good friends and that kind of thing. As a result of this, I’m also friends with every Italian in Buffalo. And every Italian who moved here from Buffalo. You’d be surprised how many there are.
This includes his parents, who are awesome people living down in Anderson. It also includes his two brothers. His older brother is a cool, laid back sort of dude. His younger brother is what you’d call the Southern Sibilio. He’s lived down south for most of his life and as a result of this he is the coolest kid around. I say kid, but he’s 22. He also has a roommate who is a cool dude. We all see each other often in a very modern sort of Mayberry way. It’s pretty cool.
Anyway, my roommate’s brother’s roommate, as I said, is a cool dude. The first time I got to meet him, I evidently didn’t remember meeting him. So the second time I hung out with him, as he was leaving, I said “Nice to meet you, man!”
He seemed visibly shaken. He reminded me that I’d met him before and he seemed…not insulted, but a bit hurt by my having forgotten our first meeting.
So I think of this every time I happen to see him, and I’d say I see him every two weeks or so. Every two weeks, I think of the time I forgot having met him and I remember the look on his face and I feel like a bad person. Then I start thinking I’m like a character in a Woody Allen movie and I get a little bit depressed.

Another reason to feel like a jerk is playing X-Box Kinect. I tried it on New Year’s Eve for the first time and I had a blast. No one told me before I started playing that it would show me pictures of my dumb ass once I was done playing. That felt good. Not really. You feel so cool while playing, but your pictures show you to be an incapable, uncoordinated idiot. I don’t need that sort of reality check. Not so often.

If you’re a nerd like me, you spend a lot of time going through the various Discovery Channels as well as National Geographic and Smithsonian. This particular movie comes on Smithsonian at least nine times a week and I think I’ve probably seen it five times. Surely someone else has seen it and noticed what I’ve noticed.

It is called The Rivals. It is a nice little documentary about a blue collar town’s football team and the arch-rival rich kids who live by the sea in Maine. In this case, the poor kids are really, really poor. They are as poor as the people who live in the little towns you drive through on the way to the beach. Really, really poor.
And the rich kids! They are super-rich. They didn’t even have football till a couple years ago. Till then it was all soccer and sailing and rowing and probably cricket or croquet or whatever else rich people and Europeans in movies do.

Conveniently, both high schools have really good football teams…by Maine standards. They are good enough to play for state championships! They are as good as it gets…in Maine.
Once they get to that part, the whole thing just falls apart because you realize everyone in Maine sucks at football.

Also, literally everyone in Maine is white. There isn’t one non-white person anywhere in the entire movie. Not even in the background just hanging out somewhere apart from the film. Nowhere. Not a Mexican kicker nor a black linebacker nor a Samoan safety. Literally everyone in Maine is 5′5″ and white.

So, if you watch this movie, understand you’re dedicating two whole hours to watching a movie about two of the best football teams in all of Maine and also that the best football teams in Maine would lose 54-6 if they played the worst team in Alabama.

Otherwise I spend my time watching The Walking Dead on AMC. If I’m tired on a Sunday night and go to bed early, I’ll get up early so I can watch it on Monday morning. My long-standing love affair with zombies isn’t well-documented but it will be when someone opens a museum about me.
This show isn’t typical zombie fare, however! It definitely takes place during a global zombie apocalypse and there are definitely zombies everywhere. What separates it is the atmosphere Frank Darabont creates. Most of the great zombie movies have been made by guys who just make zombie movies or they’ve been send-ups of other great zombie movies. Now a different kind of film maker is taking it on and the whole thing is really sort of refreshing. It manages to be captivating and intense and dramatic in a different way than the movies George Romero and Dario Argento have done over a span of nearly a half-century.
What I am saying is I highly recommend it and it is great.