Paul Mason, the world’s fattest man, is all over the news these days because he had gastric bypass surgery and has lost 400 pounds.

It is also being reported that the reason Paul packed on the weight until he was tipping the scales at nearly 980 pounds is because he was dumped by a girlfriend.

When he was dumped, he became a compulsive eater who ended up eating nearly 24 hours a day. When things were at their worst, he was chowing down on 20,000 calories each day.

We have to do something.  And we have to act fast.  Ya know I’m cool with people using the internet to date, or get married like my sister did *E-Harmony, or just to meet up and become f-buddies.  I can remember when AOL came about.  I used to get in those damn chat rooms and “cyber.”  And so did you.  But good Lord almighty, it has made men lose their balls.  I saw this status recently and I will not release the name of this dude, but here it is:

AND I QUOTE (ala Michael Cole)

(and remember this is a man, mid 20’s)

“hey ladies.  poke me if you think I’m cute.  like this status if i’m a good friend, or message me if you want a relationship”

And he was serious.  He wasn’t making fun of Facebook.  He meant that crap.  What woman would have anything to do with this guy?  And apparently he will have a relationship at the drop of a hat.  Long as you make the first move.  But are you guaranteed a relationship?  Or does this guy treat this like he’s interviewing girls for a job.  I’m sure some poor rat messaged him though.  But what if she’s not up to his standards?  Does he even reply or just he just delete it and continue to be a p chasing the p.  Folks, the Pussification Of America.  Facebook is a cesspool.  And you can join me there @ facebook.com/themaffew! 

Wanna a mistress without the drama that they can bring? Well be smart about things!!
Here’s a rundown of some types of mistresses that give you the best chance of drama-free success:

College Girls — Many are on the prowl for father-figure types and are unlikely to get all clingy and ask you to leave your wife.
Secretaries — If you’re running a real business and need real work done, you will probably need to hire two secretaries … one for your business needs and one for your emotional needs.
Women in Jail –There’s something to be said for a desperate woman. And, one who’s unable to stalk you when things go bad.

I showed you the video yesterday on the site about the homeless man with the golden pipes!  Well looks like things are really looking up for Ted Willams!  He was on espn, the Today Show, and a bunch of other news and media shows!  Now the job offers are rolling in for Ted!  So far here are his choices:

 - Arena announcer for The Cleveland Cavaliers — including a salary and they will buy him a house – Ohio Credit Union League gave him $10,000 cash and a retainer deal for voicework - ESPN is reportedly offering him a job -  MTV reportedly wants to discuss a reality series – A free vacation trip to HILO, HI to voice a commercial … and the offers keep coming!!  Way to go!  I just hope he stays off the drugs!